Three generations of the Rolfe family are sitting around their vast dining table, overlooking their expansive lawns. They are discussing the pleasures of living in one very large house.
“Guy and I have only paid for a babysitter once,” says Danielle. “We can go away and leave the dogs and the cats. We never miss deliveries or food shopping. The [grandparents] do breakfast every Sunday morning for the children. It’s wonderful.” Millie, her three-year-old daughter, interrupts to say she is looking forward to cooking supper with Granny.
Penton Park, the Rolfes’ 10-bedroom mansion, is certainly grand. It dates back to the 1700s, and was remodelled in the 1850s by William Cubitt, brother of Thomas, the Georgian master architect. Set in eight acres in Hampshire in the English home counties, it is home to Danielle, her three daughters (seven-year-old twins and Millie), husband Guy and his parents, Douglas and Vivien.
With their vast home and lush landscapes, the Rolfes make extended family living look easy. Could more of us be tempted to live this way?
In the US and the UK, more of us are moving in with parents. According to research by Cambridge university, 6.8 per cent (or 1.8m) of UK households were made up of several generations of adults in 2013/14, up nearly 40 per cent since 2009/10 — though these were largely two generations of adults (a graduate child, say, returning to their parents). Households such as the Rolfes’ (three generations) numbered 419,000 in 2013 — up from 325,000 in 2001.
In the US, according to the Pew Research Center, in 2016 a record 64m people — or 20 per cent of the population — lived with two or more adult generations, or with grandparents and grandchildren under 25 years old, up from 12 per cent in 1980.
Donna Butts, executive director of Generations United, a US non-profit organisation that campaigns for multigenerational policies, says: “During the recession, we started to see an increase. That didn’t decline after the economy was doing better. People were coming together for need, but they stayed together for choice.”
The Rolfes were able to afford Penton Park, which they bought in 2011, by pooling their resources. Guy and Danielle sold a flat in Putney and Douglas and Vivien a Chelsea house. The generations are split between two wings: Granny and Grandad are in the smaller, with two bedrooms, while the other five rattle around an eight-bedroom wing. In addition, Danielle and Guy manage a business letting out Penton Park as a wedding and events venue.
A glass bell in the shared entrance hall brings them together. “Any time Viv comes in she rings the bell,” says Danielle. “If I’m the kitchen, I’ll shout, ‘Come in!’. If we’re mid-argument, I might say, ‘Not now’.”
Meet the neighbours
Multigenerational households take many forms. Official figures understate the true picture, according to John Graham, emeritus professor at the Merage School of Business, University of California, Irvine, and co-author with Sharon Graham Niederhaus of a guide to multigenerational living called All in the Family. Property developers say affluent homeowners in prime areas often buy their adult children neighbouring flats, for example. Those with grand central London houses like to install parents in the attached mews.
At any given time, the number of multigenerational households reflects the strength or weakness of welfare safety nets, pensions, house prices as well as religious and cultural traditions. In Asia, particularly China, Taiwan and Japan, filial responsibility and tradition, with its emphasis on family, explain the persistence of such arrangements, according to Chia Liu of the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research.
Butts observes: “In the US . . . as the country became more industrialised and families split apart, people wanted independence. Now they are realising it’s not a weakness but a strength to share [their homes].”
Yet even for those with large homes with space for privacy, tensions can arise. (Each Rolfe couple has taken advice from separate lawyers and planned for various scenarios, including divorce, ill health and death.)
Taking separate advice from different lawyers is essential says Bryony Cove, a private client partner at Farrer & Co, the law firm. No one should enter into such an arrangement without thinking of worst-case scenarios, such as death, divorce, sickness, jealous siblings or just general dissatisfaction, she adds. “People do fall out about money . . . These situations cause the most almighty rows after someone has died.
“The inheritance tax side needs careful thought and professional advice — every case is different.”
As circumstances change, families should update that advice and scenario planning is essential, says Butts. “People come into it with different expectations,” she says. These might include questions such as how to split the food and bills, and whether or not the arrangement is permanent or temporary. Be very clear and revisit the agreement as lives change.”
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Hire a cleaner for domestic bliss
For entrepreneur Elizabeth Fox, a test period turned out to be an opportunity. Fourteen years ago, her daughter, daughter’s wife and two sons (now 14 and 17) moved into the five-bedroom home she shared with her husband in Washington DC as a temporary measure while the couple looked for a new home.
After six months, they decided to make it permanent. “It’s unusual to have that testing. A lot of people contemplate it and encounter all kinds of doubts. Whatever we had to adjust to, we had already adjusted to.”
Refurbishments were needed, so the family decided to take out a joint mortgage to cover the renovation costs, and adapt the home to shared needs, turning the attic into rooms.
At first they held a monthly family meeting, but that got “boring”, says Fox. Now her daughter is in charge of the schedule — a shared electronic calendar with colour-coded tasks and activities. Hiring a cleaner has eased the path to domestic bliss.
While some families decide to live together, for others it is just the way life has always been.
Riverhill, a Queen Anne house in Kent, south-east England, has been owned by the family of Sarah Rogers’ husband for more than 170 years. When she married Ed in 2003, Rogers knew she would be expected to live on the estate with her mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law — though not, in her case, under the same roof. She did not, however, expect to run the house as a family business.
“Riverhill today is very different from when we took over. We relaunched it; we have thousands of visitors. I’ve taken over the reins from my mother-in-law.” The gardens and café are open to the public part of the year, and, like Penton Park, the house is used for weddings, outdoor theatre, dog shows and Halloween festivities.
Rogers adds: “We see a lot of each other. It’s beautiful, but it is like living in a goldfish bowl. There are people around all the time. At any one moment, someone is in my kitchen.”
Rogers’ four children, aged between nine and 14, “rave about their four-generational” household, and she says she has benefited from the advice of older relatives. But she wishes she had been bolder, and put her own stamp on the house earlier. For example, some parts were in need of renovation. Once, she discovered a “whole load of tusks” hidden behind the washing machine. “I am getting braver now — I have actually renovated the top two floors.”
Opportunities and answers
Multigenerational housing is attractive to politicians as a solution to housing shortages — a way to enable younger generations to afford property while encouraging retirees to downsize and reduce childcare costs.
But not everyone wins: often, women can become default carers, ending up looking after elderly relatives as well as children. As one put it: “I think it’s great at the bottom and top [of the generations], you have people caring for you. But when you’re in the middle, you’re caring.” Though she adds: “My time will come.”
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This way of living presents opportunities for housing developers, says Dominic Endicott, a venture capitalist focused on technology and longevity, who draws a comparison with workplace trends.
“If you look at co-working five or 10 years ago it was independent space. WeWork professionalised and scaled it. Multigenerational living needs a new treatment, too.” Homes might have separate front doors but communal kitchens and laundry rooms, for example.
Lennar, the US housebuilder, built its first “Next Gen” developments in 2012, designed specifically for multigenerational living: one property can contain a house and a separate flat (studio to two-bedrooms) with two front doors. So far, it has sold 9,000 such properties. They are priced between $300,000 and $1m and built in various locations across the US, including California and Texas.
Tiffany Ball is about to move into one in Colorado with her husband and two young children. Her mother and older sister will live in the adjoining flat. Currently they are living in Ball’s house.
“My mum didn’t want to live in a basement for the rest of her life,” she says. Ball hopes this new home with separate front doors will be the solution. “We can support each other but not be in each other’s business all the time.”
The Rolfes made the move for different reasons. Douglas and Vivien wanted to restore the house, while Guy and Danielle wanted to raise their family outside London. At first, all four adults had reservations — not least that one of the others might change their minds. “You are dependent on each other to make the venture work,” says Danielle. All have found adjusting to rural life difficult, and Douglas thinks in retrospect they should have kept a small home in London.
What has been the hardest part? “Compromise,” says Danielle. “We always have to be conscious of others, and that’s a big change.”
Does their multigenerational arrangement afford Douglas and Vivien the perk of handing back the grandchildren at the end of a long day of childcare? Frantic nodding. Danielle describes returning home, just as Douglas and Vivien descended the stairs, gin and tonics in hand. The grandparents picked their way through the fractious children and headed out to the garden to enjoy the evening sun.
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